• Sadly, by Cindy Falteich

Whether You're Ready or Not, It's Gonna Happen


Access the audio version here.

At the recommendation of an overly ambitious friend, I've signed up for an event called the "AtoZ Challenge," coincidentally the caption of the above picture. I call attention to the above referenced image only because it took me so long to insert it into this blog on my son's Mac, I need confirmation for my soul that you've at least looked at it.

When someone mentions a challenge, I figure one of two things will happen: I'll either embrace it or redefine it. That's my politically correct way of saying I could possibly fail. Oddly, I'm okay with either. That's the overachiever in me. Or maybe the Irish.

The rules of this particular challenge are that each blogger, subscribing to a theme or not, posts a 300-500 word blog every day of April (excluding Sundays) with each consecutive day representing a subsequent letter of the alphabet. It's possible, since reviewing the rules a few weeks ago, that I've revised them already but this is the relative idea.

The problem, as I foresee, is not keeping track of what letter of the alphabet to address on which day. The problem will occur when bloggers take each letter literally. I anticipate a premature hiccup at B. For beer. This will be especially prevalent in the midwest where Pabst Blue Ribbon and Busch are retail giants. That's the day (mark April 2nd) that we'll see a surge in posts touting the positive social impact of pin-up calendars along with an overabundance of op-eds on the importance of the female genitalia throughout the history of porn. This is a topic I also anticipate will be enthusiastically revisited on the day for P.

My topic for P day, however, will have more to do with what happens when I sneeze.

Also, I forecast great gaucherie when we reach W. For wine. Gaucherie is the same as a hiccup only it's slightly French which resonates more with wine drinkers. I have no confirmation that avid wineys secretly wish they were French but in my mind, which has yet to be accurately mapped, this correlation exists. I believe this because wine drinkers consider themselves sophisticated. Even when they drink it from a box. For instance, they wouldn't be caught dead watching porn. It's more in their wheelhouse to import a picture of Mathew McConaughey into Photoshop and dream. While they post recipes to Pinterest.

Specifically, W day will occur somewhere toward the end of the month. Be prepared. Perhaps in anticipation, pairings will be popular. I have one: me and someone other than my husband. Or me and chocolate. Since I have yet to discover any food or drink that doesn't pair with chocolate, we'll assume fondue works with anything.

F will be a great day for me. Fuck yeah.

Especially interesting will be the slow progression through the alphabet from beer to wine. Many will start the month strong but by the end will have had far too much fun. This will be indicated by their failure to recite their blog posts in reverse alphabetical order. Let's not mention their eventual inability to walk the line from the kitchen back to their laptop. In situations like this, I recommend an app that automatically calls Uber if you've been drinking. But I have no idea if they can help when you start typing. Perhaps I'm not as helpful as I appear in my mind.

I also anticipate that, as the challenge progresses, I'll become increasingly less popular. Especially with my family. They're already canvassing for a new mom. And my son has threatened me with bodily harm if I post a picture of the origami he made out of toilet paper. Or anything that points to an association between him and me.

One thing is certain, this challenge will not work my favor. I'll have a good time regardless and my hope is that you'll join me. Once or twice. Would it help if I made brownies? My husband says as long as they contain bacon, I'm good.

Now here's a topic for B day.

I can't even comment.

Let's hear a big "Ay" for the AtoZ Challenge!

#womenwriters #womenbloggers #comedy #comics #comedienne #comedian #humor #ermabombeck #atozchallenge

© 2019 by Cindy Falteich

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