Is This a Good Time to Bring Up My Episiotomy?
I have a bad shoulder. It’s not horrible, like some, but it’s inconvenient enough that I’ve now mastered working it into conversation just to whine. Being Irish, it’s extended my cue of worthless conversation pieces to an all time high.
The latest was with my son. Since I’ve been milking my condition to get out of doing everything, I think he needed me to justify my disability. So he wanted to know exactly what was wrong. Since anything that happens in my life is seldom of interest to him, I was anxious to explain.
But before I get into our conversation, I should review a few rules to follow when effectively dramatizing a physical condition. First, it’s important to throw out a term no one understands. In my case, that’s “rotator cuff.” If you don’t have “MD” behind your name, this only adds to the intrigue.
“Is it your rotator cuff?”
“Would I sound cool if it was?”
The next rule is to use a term that people equate with something painful. I have a great injury for this. I was able to tell him I have a bone “spur.”
Just picture a cowboy on a bronc and I sound tougher already. In his mind, I envisioned where I must be on the scale of awesome.
Last but not least, use a reference with theatrical effect. I explained that the spur had expanded to the point that it was impinging on the soft tissue below it. Then I explained how on the MRI it looked like it had been sharpened to a point so each time I moved my arm it would…
He stopped me. Right before I got to the finale.
“What?” I said.
“Don’t go any further.”
I’m guessing my “Psycho” reference of feeling like I was being stabbed over and over and over would end drastically. At what point would he just gag? There’s a challenge: could I make him?
Is this a good time to bring up my episiotomy?
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